Figuring things out.

A baby is a moving target. The whole experience is one big mystery and just when you think you're one up on Jessica Fletcher, you realize that the plot is going in a very different direction. We had become so comfortable with the sprout as a newborn, the whole eat--sleep--poo routine, that it took us a while to understand that those days were over. Sure, we'd noticed that she was waking up to the world, and we'd even noticed that it was becoming harder for her to just fall asleep as she once did, but it never occurred to me that we could have some hand in her schedule, her "behavior", or her mood. I guess I fell under the spell of Sears, of the Happiest Baby... fellow, and other attachment-y influences. Yes, it's the 4th trimester! No, you can't spoil a baby before she's 6 months old! Humans are social creatures, how can you leave the baby alone? Wear her! Sleep with her!

Anyway, you get the gist. The thing is, a lot of the doctrines (suggestions?) above happened naturally--it was easy and pleasant to be around her, to keep her close, to be able to respond to her needs quickly. At the same time, it has been incredibly liberating to realize (thanks, "Happy Baby, Sleepy Baby") that parenting isn't defensive. And so, during the past few days, when she's been up for a while and seems drowsy, irritable, sad, I've put her in her crib and she's fallen asleep immediately. It suddenly makes sense--why would she want to fall asleep when there are so many interesting things to see? Not to be a total sleep training booster (it is incredibly hard to believe that I can throw out this terminology, almost as hard to believe that changing a diaper full of green shit doesn't make me hurl), but shit, imposing some parental determination is dreamy. It makes us feel powerful (harsh perhaps, but nice to feel like an 8 week old isn't jerking you around too much) and smart (harder puzzle than the NYT crossword) and just a little freaking capable of being the chosen guide for this small being. We'll see how it goes.

Infancy and frivolity

We took the little one to an infant massage class today. While my mom said she saw something on this topic on tv and thought it was a great idea, I just can't imagine her having done the same back in the day. It's one of the many examples of intergenerational differences re. baby acclimatization, as in: sure, breastfeeding's great, but that formula had you sleeping through the night in no time. It's easy to be judgmental, as I would be regarding other intergenerational conflicts, like the choice of food, movies, books, until I remember that she's talking about ME, and I turned out okay. Then I doubt. Are we just falling prey to the trends of the oughts? For some reason, I interpret a lot of our early parenting choices as a return to the "natural," more proper way of handling small humans, but again, you look in the mirror and have to wonder what difference does it all make?

Anyway, we live in Northern California, we are pseudo-hippies, but mostly, we are new parents and we are suckers. So we went to infant massage and the thing is, the little one loved it, seriously loved it. I guess she's no fool. Who wouldn't want the people who love you most in the world to spend an hour uninterrupted and focused on your every muscle? And so, my current assessment is she's got it good, not necessarily better, but definitely different.

Back in action

After much indecision, I've decided to restart ETTL. This blog began as a form of "legitimate" procrastination while I was pregnant, a way of doing something work-related when I could no longer focus on work, but it's hard to regiment a distraction. In February, after my Dad died, it just seemed frivolous, and so my last post dates from the 22nd of February. I thought about starting an entirely new blog, but it's hard to start from nothing--the first post always looms--and I like the idea of a transformation, as in: I'm still your librarian, but I'm also someone's mom now.

So let the posts resume.